rethinking the wall.

fallen log and clover spiral.
big creek reserve, big sur. may 2008.

On sunday, I will push my body to an impossible limit. I'll get to a point where I will feel every muscle. Where every step will hurt. I'll hit my wall and spend every painstakingly ssssssllllow second that passes trying to cope with the awful realization of how incredibly hard I have to work to get to the finish line.

Oddly enough, I expect to feel very alive in this moment.

Maybe it's that my heart is racing at a magnificent speed when I'm running...the rush of adrenaline, and an onslaught of dormant chemical reactions happening in my body feel really good... erhh maybe it's not that fancy. maybe I'm just plain old tired, losing it, and in reasoning sadistic pleasures, the reason is always the same.

Being able to control my body on the brink of absolute panic is a dangerously addictive high.